Monday, January 30, 2012

Birthday Girl!









                                 You had several desserts. We may have went a little nuts. Okay, yes we did because we had so much left over. There were chocolate and vanilla cupcakes. Mommy decorated them oh so nicely. Well ok let me back track for a minute. Mumsie baked them and put a thin layer of white icing on them. And than we delivered them to your mommy where she dipped them in pink and purple icing. She than decorated them with various size hearts, some pink, some purple, some filled in, some not filled in. Mommy baked a heart shaped vanilla cake, gluten free of course. She decorated it herself. She also baked you your very on cake. It was just for you. It's that little purple circle one up above. Mommy had to transfer it from a plate to that fancy cake plate its on. Funny thing was, she dropped it once, and had to re-ice it! ;) But she fixed it so it was just perfect! Mumsie baked you brownies with the perfect brownie pan! Mommy let me decorate them! I had a perfect pattern going on with heart decorations!! The last dessert wasn't for you, if was for Aunt Tina. It was a special cake since she has so many allergies! Mommy really considered everyone's food allergies!



Mommy bought beautiful rose's at Costco to decorate the house. They were everywhere. You noticed them as soon as she put them out. They were on the wall in the candle holders, on the cake table, on the end tables, on the living room table. Added such a nice touch to the party!


                        Right as all the guests had arrived, Daddy went back to dress you. You, your sister, mommy, and myself were all dressed in tutu's! We had bows in our hair, leggins on, and cute looking shoes! You were dressed as follows: a hair bow, ballon shirt, jeans, purple tutu over top, white socks, and pink bedazzled velcro shoes!! You looked too stinkin cute!  As did your sister. She too had a bow, a pink shirt with a heart on it, bright pink leggins, a pink heart tutu, white socks and purple heart Converse! Once Daddy had you all dressed you made your grand entrance. Same as your sister did on her first birthday! You were a little confused as to why so many people were in your house!! 
 The four of us girls posed for a picture that I will cherish forever! Your mommy, your sister, and you mean the world to me! I love you all!



On your sisters first birthday, your sister had a picture with mommy and daddy. So since you were the newest addition, it would only be right that we snap a picture of you and your family! <3





One of your guests was your cousin Kyle. He too has Down syndrome and just adores you!! I think he knows you are like him! :) He loves to hold you and give you kisses! But I had to snap that camera button fast. He will only kiss you for one second!





 
As usual, once you wake up you have to eat! Big surprise there! I fed you while mommy and daddy socialized with friends and family! And even your sister came in to help!  




Since you were already in your chair, it was time for cake! We all wondered how you would like it since your sister didn't and typically children with Down syndrome don't like to have their hands dirty! You siked us out and untied the bow first!  


And than.....
you dug in! Got your fingers covered in icing! Covered your face with white and purple icing! Even covered things around you. There was icing on the floor. Icing on the toy car you got. Icing on the wall. IT WAS EVERYWHERE!  



Funny thing...
You only ate the icing. Maybe because it's sweet and that's all you cared about. You didn't quite seem to notice there was cake under there! 



But than....
Once we sang happy birthday to you and cheered because you put your fingers in the cake you didn't exactly like it and soon got a sour face! 





So we let you be! 


Mommy just had to clean up the new mess you make so we took a break from all the commotion. Aunt Sue whisked you away and set you on Kyle's lap! He loved playing with your hair and giving you hugs. 







You had presents! Lots and lots and lots of presents! You got clothes, a stuffed animal, books, bottles, sign language flash cards, a new feeding chair, tub toys and so much more! 

Overall, you had a great, rockin first birthday! 


Friday, January 27, 2012

1.27.12

Today is the last day. The last day of you being 11 months old. Tomorrow you turn ONE YEAR OLD. Ahhh you're getting so big. You've come across so many obstacles in your life and that won't be the only one. You've learned so much and will continue to learn each day. You spent the first couple months of your life in the hospital. I feel like that's your second home. But feel free to venture away from that! :)

I want to say I am so very proud of you. You and your sister are my world. I love you both so very much.
-Auntie Kell

Monday, January 9, 2012

Dear Natalie,

I wrote this back in September 2011. 




I just finished up my homework so I of course got on facebook before I head off to bed. But I stumbled across my profile pictures and there were several of you and I when you were such a tiny little thing. You even had your feeding tube in which brings back so many memories. I remember the night I was at your house. Things were a little hectic so Mumsie and I were there helping out. I was sitting on the couch and the phone rang. Something inside me told me to answer it, so yes I listened to my heart and answered it. It was a nurse and I yelled for your mom. Mommy answered it and started crying. The nurse said you needed to come in because something was wrong I believe with your blood count. Everyone packed up so quickly and I stayed home with your sister. Thank goodness I was on a break from school so I could watch her. I can't exactly remember but I'm pretty sure this was the start of you going in and out of the hospital. I can't help to think, but what would have happened if I didn't answer that call?? I'm glad we didn't have to find out though. I believe that night you had three special people looking out for you!  All I want to tell you is how proud of an aunt I am. You've grown so much. Heck, you've already went through heart surgery and have a beautiful scar to prove it. It's part of you so don't ever start to not like it, it makes you who you are. I love you Natalie Rose. Forever and always!

Love,
    Auntie Kelly

Thursday, January 5, 2012

72 Hours.

I HAVE TAKEN THIS FROM MY SISTERS BLOG. I TAKE NO CREDIT FOR WRITING IT!



This post is Rated-R do to the use of foul language.  Enjoy.


    Natalie had recently finished a round of antibiotics, as in 4 days prior.  She always battles nasal congestion and on several occasions I have whisked her off to the pediatricians office when it wasn't necessary.  But on January 2nd, Natalie awoke with a barky cough and wheezing in her chest.  She sounded like a cross between a seal and a yippy dog, you know the type.  The little pipsqueak of a dog that you can't see in the car you pull up next to at the pharmacy but as soon as you step out of your vehicle it's at the window barking yipping at a decibel that would make one's ears bleed.  Thank goodness Natalie's bark wasn't that high pitched!  Either way, it didn't sound good.  Leave it up to one of my kids to become ill when the pediatricians office is closed.  I cringed at the thought of taking her to the ER, knowing that every other parent in the DE, NJ and PA area had taken their child in for the exact same issue and reason.  After much deliberation and a pep-talk from a good friend (who also happens to have a beautiful little girl with her very own set of designer genes!), Natalie, Kelly & I were off to A.I.'s emergency room.  I even packed a bag with our necessities, should we be admitted.
   Surprisingly, the ER was not crowded and we were taken right back to a triage room where an ER tech weighed Lil’ Miss Natalie and took her temp.  He then proceeded to tell me "I don't know why you're here, she's breathing fine and her color looks good".  Immediately I was berating myself for bringing Natalie in and not waiting till the next day to have her examined by the pediatrician.  Just before I burst into tears for becoming an overreactive mom, the ER nurse walks in, took one look at Natalie and says "wow, I'm really glad you brought her in.  She definitely has something serious going on.  Let's get you back to a room".  Ha, Take that you stupid tech...as I childishly stuck my tongue out at the back of the his head.  



    Once in our room we have a few nurses stop in before the doctor arrives.  I wish they would come in at the same time, I really dislike telling our story over and over.  Plus it’s late, past my bedtime and my brain is tired.  Natalie’s heart defect, although repaired, can throw a wrench into any plan and this evening it caused complications with her plan of care.  After a quick debate with the cardiac team and review of her recent EKG and echocardiogram, it was decided to give her racemic epinephrine and steroids.  The epinephrine nebulizer treatment would open her lungs, relieving the stridor and retracting.  The discussion that took place between the ER and cardiac team was over the epinephrine inhaler.  Epinephrine…increases heart rate…constricts blood vessels…not good side effects when you’re dealing with a fragile heart.  Most kids would receive the treatment(s) and sent home after an hour of observation, Natalie on the other hand had the pleasure of being hooked up to the heart, respiratory and oxygen monitors and observed for 3 hours.  At the end of our three very long (pacing the floor with Natalie; sending Kelly on ice & hot water runs; and maybe 30mins of sleep for Natalie) hours, we were free to go home.  Once reviewing and signing our discharge papers, we hightailed it out of there.  It’s amazing how vacant I-95 is at 3:30am, with the lack of other cars head & brake lights I struggled to stay awake.  After arriving home and settling Natalie into bed, I finally crawled into bed at 4:30am.  

    I awoke on the 3rd at 7:30AM with Ben –dressed in his work attire- standing over me, asking if he could leave for work to make his 8am meeting.  I’m fairly certain I gave him a look that must have made him fear for his life because I woke up to coffee and a cheese omelet awaiting me in the kitchen at 8:30. Today was the day that our new Keurig and I became BFF’s.  When Natalie arose from her sleepy slumber, she was pale and had dark circles under her beautiful blues eyes.  I felt bad for her, I knew she had been through a lot just a few short hours prior so I thought nothing of her discolored skin.  It wasn’t until she awoke from her afternoon nap that I realized she was still in distress.  I made two phone calls 1) Ben- letting him know he needed to come home to take over Hannah duties, 2) the pediatricians office to make certain I wouldn’t end up at the ER with the staff wondering “why the hell did you bring your kid in again?”  While waiting for Ben to arrive home, I re-packed our bags and tried to mentally prepare for the evening ahead.



After x-ray
           So, there we were, less than twenty hours from our last trip in and less than seventeen hours from our release.  Only this trip there was a much longer wait…for everything!  An hour wait before getting a room; another hour to see the doctor. Perhaps my meltdown (after having been in the ER for over 2 hours) when the nurse came to get Natalie’s vitals helped speed along the process, because within ten minutes Natalie’s doctor came in.  The best part, it was the same doctor as the night before, and I loved her.  She was very direct & to the point and I appreciate that out of a doctor, no BS or skirting around the issue at hand (I discovered my need for doctors like this while helping my mother-in-law through her two battles with cancer).  Dr. D did not like that Natalie had had another episode of retracting along with purple extremities.  Upon her exam of Natalie, it was revealed that her liver was enlarged and Dr. D was very concerned.  At that moment, Dr. D said she was admitting Natalie to be monitored closely.  At this point it was midnight and we had seen a new day begin in the ER; I was running on 5 hours of sleep in the last 42 hours.  Knowing she was going to be admitted, we decided to settle in and try to get comfy, as we were going to be there a while.  Comfortable was the last thing the ER staff would let us become, during the next 2 hours Natalie went in for x-rays (my favorite part was when the x-ray tech asked me if there was any chance I was pregnant…I just laughed in her face…she proceeded with her work) in which I had to pin my child down to the table and attempt to hold her in one position for 2 minutes.  Now, for those of you who are not familiar with children with DS, they are VERY flexible.  Sometimes it’s as if you are trying to pin down a skillful octopus, oh and don’t forget to add in the wailing…you know, because the octopus doesn’t want to be pinned down, she wants to roll around and explore this lovely new table!  The x-ray tech put this little piece of fabric across Natalie's legs with an even tinier piece of Velcro…she discovered quickly that it wasn’t going to hold Natalie's lower extremities down and unless she wanted a lovely shot of my radius and ulna, she needed to figure out another method of getting Nat’s legs to stay still!  All of that was endured so we could find out an hour later that everything looked good on the x-ray.  Better safe than sorry.



Now comes my most dreaded part of being Natalie’s mom, the IV.  Thank heavens our nurse, Heather, remembered us from Natalie’s trip to the ER in February (6 days after she was born- more on this story at a later date) and she was quick to recall that the IV team failed to properly insert on MANY attempt’s.  This time when the IV team entered the room, I knew it was my cue to exit.  If there is one thing that I can’t handle, it’s the sound of sheer pain in my daughters cry.  I escorted myself to the quiet room in hopes of being able to decompress.  I lasted all of three minutes.  I thought for sure that three minutes was a sufficient amount of time and I headed back towards our ER room, only to find Natalie’s roommate and his father standing in the hallway.  Turned out the poor kid was there for an earache, Natalie’s screaming wasn’t helping…I apologized profusely.  I didn’t hear screams, so I assumed it was safe to enter.  You know what happens when you assume, don’t you?  Sure enough they had failed, twice.  I walked in during attempt number three.  Seeing my mom and the nurse struggling to keep Natalie still for the IV lady, I knew I had to stay.  It took three of us to hold her down and Heather was literally lying across Natalie’s legs and had white knuckles from holding down her right leg.  Between that and the blood curdling screams coming from Natalie, I lost it.  Both of us sobbing and by the time it was over I looked down at Natalie and wondered how she didn’t drown from all the tears that had formed between the two of us.  

   Once we all had calmed down from the IV debacle, it was time to settle in and get as comfy as possible on the little gurney.  I’m not kidding when I say every time we fell asleep, someone else came in asking the same information as the previous person.  One resident in particular pissed me off.  Walked in, flipped on the blinding overhead lights, and talked loudly.  This set me off instantly…my baby was FINALLY asleep for the first time since her nap that had happened earlier in the day.  I whispered as if to prove a point that “look Dickhead, my baby is finally asleep and I’m trying my absolute best not to tear you a new asshole!”  Very loudly he replied with “It's only you in the room.  Your roommate is gone.  You will have to speak up I wear hearing aides, I can’t hear well.”  He proceeded to request info from the very beginning of Natalie’s life…I wanted so badly to flip my shit, yet I refrained.  And to this day, I don’t know why I contained myself.  If I run into him again, I will be sure to put a curse on him for when he has children, that he encounters the same difficulties that he inflicted upon me that evening morning.
    Around 5:30AM they came in to say that there was a room available on unit 2A.  Woo-hoo, we were movin’ on up...and it was NOT to the East Side!  Let me tell you, last year when Natalie was admitted twice to the Cardiac unit (2B), she had her own room.  All the rooms on 2B are private rooms and the parents are encouraged to stay with their children.  I had no idea how fortunate we were and I was about to find out how spoiled I was by everything 2B offered.  2A only offers shared rooms, this is not ideal…not for someone who enjoys her space, her privacy and lots of quiet.  When we were escorted to our room, I was convinced that we were in a closet!  My dining room was bigger than this room and somehow they had two cribs and two pull out cots crammed in that damn room.  Instantly my claustrophobia set in, I could feel my heart racing, I was having difficulty breathing and my eyes began to well up. Every time someone entered the room, the door would slam into Natalie’s crib (so much for a sleeping baby).  The bathroom door was next to my lovely cot and it would slam into my bed if opened more than one foot.  I used the bathroom once. It appeared as if it was used for storage.  From that moment on I chose to leave the unit and pee in the public restrooms in the hallway, at least I was guaranteed they were being cleaned!  Oh, and the icing on the cake was when they informed me that our communal bathroom was shared by 3 other families.  It was at that moment I knew we were NOT staying.  We would be home by dinner, even if it meant that I had to take Natalie out AMA (against medical advice). 
    Luckily for us the nurses shift change happens at 7AM, we arrived in our room at 6:20.  I’ve never witnessed an admission happen so quickly in the 4 times she's been admitted.  These ladies half-assed EVERYTHING!  At one point they had asked me if she was weighed in the ER, I lied and said yes (technically she was weighed in the ER…two days ago).  They took my word for it and didn’t weigh her.  My jaw almost hit the floor but I caught myself, as I was fearful of the germs.  Once half-ass Sally left the room, my mom, Natalie and I snuggled up on our cot and they slept for about 30-45mins.  I was afraid to sleep, I didn’t want Natalie to fall off.  You might be asking why I chose for her to sleep on the cot with us, instead of her crib.  Allow me to explain:
1) The door would hit her crib every time someone walked into the room.

2) The crib looked as if it was designed to cage a monkey (I wish I had taken a photo!).  I’m certain that these nurses have cared for some unruly children.  But when was the last time they had an 11 month old with Down Syndrome who scaled a crib and managed to escape?? 

3) It appeared as if said crib was left over from when the hospital 1st opened in the 70’s.

4) The vintage crib was broken, show me your surprised face.  When I brought it to the attention of Nurse Ratchet, who admitted us…she applied medical tape and left the room. 



Honestly, who would want to wake this cutie?
    Sometime shortly after our admission, a nurse practitioner stopped in to check on Natalie, she wanted to see her before rounds began.  This lady was very kind and respectful of the sleeping baby (and the sleeping baby's grandmother).  This woman clearly had her own children and knew one should never wake a sleeping baby.  I wanted to throw rose petals at her feet! 
     Natalie woke up when her roommate’s family (yes, family!  They were redneck just like us…squeezing two people on a cot.  Except THEY had a functioning crib on their side of the room) were asked to leave the room for his x-ray…we were more than 6 feet away, so we were ok.  Honestly at this point I didn’t care, what was one more dose of radiation?   All the commotion woke Natalie up, which was perfect as rounds were beginning, in her room!!  




This photo was taken right before the doctor entered her room.
  Upon Dr. P’s examination, he felt she looked good.  He said that perhaps she needed more time than most children for the medication to take effect.  I wanted to say "No shit Sherlock", but I refrained.  He said she could stay and continue to be monitored for the next 24 to 48 hours, but if I felt confident I could take her home.  I failed to hear what else he had to say because I was packing our bags and loading them into a wagon I found in the hallway!  About 30 minutes after that transaction, my mom, Natalie and I found ourselves in the gift shop picking up Natalie's free balloon.  I just had to get Natalie her free balloon, see...Hannah has had a Tinkerbell balloon in our living room since December and Natalie ADORES that balloon.  Sadly, Hannah barely let's Natalie look in the direction of said balloon, so I was on a mission to get Natalie her own special balloon that she could taunt Hannah with:)
   This is how our 72hours of hospital fun ended...we get home and I back the car into the garage.  Natalie is naturally sleeping, so I proceed to unload all of our stuff from the car before disturbing her.  I managed to carry all the bags (3 total), the bobby and the balloon into the house.  As I set the bags on the bench in our front hall I was left holding the red string that Natalie's balloon was attached too.  Apparently it was so warm in my car and chilly outside, that major shrinkage occurred and the damn balloon shrunk it's way out of the flipping ribbon.  

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Walked in on.


About an hour or so ago, I walked in on Shawn and Natalie. Now I know what your thinking, but you're wrong. I was coming to offer Dunkin Donuts to my sister. Ben told me she was in the back in Natalie's room but to be quiet because Hannah was sleeping. So I crept to Natalie's door. Shawn and Natalie were having special Mommy and me time. I stood there silently in awe. I don't think I've ever witnessed such a moment through my own eyes of how much a mother loves her daughter. I mean yeah I know there's a special bond between my mother and myself or Shawn and Hannah, but there's an extra something special between Shawn and Natalie. I think I stood there for a good five minutes, my sister never realizing I was there. Natalie was laying on her changing station with her mommy leaning over top of her. Natalie was feeling her mommy's face with her tiny chubby hands as Shawn was making her laugh. As I'm sure you know, Natalie always sounds very congested. So when she would laugh, you know the kind when your laughing so hard you snort, well Natalie has the same thing except this one is very unique, very special. Natalie doesn't snort, more so of a 'I'm very congested you can hear my snot when I laugh' kind of laugh. I know, it sounds kind of gross to describe, but when you get her laughing like that you surely start laughing yourself. It's those kinds of moments that make you appreciate life just a little more.